What if we faked...?

Really, what if?

I really like reading blogs (yes, I'll admit, the self improving kind) and watching youtube video's about a lot of different things, though mostly on fashion, make-up and the likes. I always want to improve who I am, become a better person, get a better life, but after reading the blogs or watching the youtube video's I think: But that's not me! I can't be like that person who wrote that article or who made that video! That's not the kind of person I am.

And really, the current me isn't that person at all. But today I've really been thinking a lot about that. I remember watching this Ted talk which main message was: "Don't fake it until you make it, Fake it until you become it!" and I've been thinking about how much truth there is in that. I've actually already faked a lot in life and I ended up becoming that which I faked.

But somewhere in my current lifestyle I forgot about that. Maybe reading all the self improvement blogs that told me to "just be me" sort of screwed me over on that one. Of course I think being me is important, but I'm going to have to admit I don't like the current me, or at least parts of the current me. I'm sure some people would now say: "Then that's not the real you!" and maybe their right, I don't know. The me of today and the me of tomorrow are already going to be two different me's, just like the me of today and the me of yesterday are different as well. We constantly change and I think I'm always going to find parts about 'me' that I don't like. But no matter how much I want to change them right now, I actually just don't...

If I counted the times I say "I want to be...." in a day, and keep track of that for a month and write it down on paper, I'd be able to cover my bedroom floor with paper, I'm sure. But instead of doing something I keep catching myself just not doing anything at all. And I hate that part of me. Of course, I can say I hate that part of me all I want, but in the end I'm still the one who's not doing anything to change it. And that's just it: I am the only person in my life that can change me, but I'll have to start doing something if I want to.

Now I'm really bad at keeping promises, and I hardly ever do what I say I'll do, but I still want to try. I really do want to get better, become a better person, and maybe even manage to get famous at one point of my life. But in order to get there I need to get off my bed, and start fucking working my ass of to reach anything. The fridge is not going to make your food for you, you need to take it out of the fridge and start preparing it yourself. Life is the same. Take the things you want and start shaping it the way you want it to become. Even if you need to fake it at first.

Faking has a really really bad taste, because Fake = Not good. But sometimes faking IS good. For example, self confidence doesn't just come falling out of the tree, but it takes a lot of effort to create it. But how do you create it, really? You just go out there and gain that self confidence! How? By walking that road with your head held high and FAKING the self confidence that you really don't have! That goes for the catwalk, the street, school and just life in general. Because by faking self confidence you notice it's not that bad, and little by little you start getting more self confident and you have to fake less of it! And I think it goes for everything. Of course, practice makes perfect. Things like gaining skills of course takes a lot more than just faking you have those skills. Faking that I'm a top 10 list blogger won't instantly make me a top 10 blogger. But faking that I am a top 10 list blogger will get me to write a lot of blogs, fail miserably at first and get better at it little by little. If i'll really become a top 10 lists blogger is the question, but I'll get better at blogging along the way because I'm doing, I'm trying to become that something that I'm actually not.

Though I also do believe there are limits. Aiming to high is really not a good idea, but aiming to low is even worse. Instead I think we should always aim to challenge ourselves and get better.
And I'm going to try to do just that. I'll fail miserably while at it, but I'll keep trying and little by little I'll get better and become that person I want to become. Because fuck it, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life being the me of today or yesterday, I'm going to be the awesome me of tomorrow, and fucking rock the world while doing it!