What if we died tomorrow?

Honestly, what if?

For me there would be so many things I'd regret not doing if I died tomorrow. I think that if I'd make a list -something I should actually do just to make myself realize it even better- I would not be able to finish writing it in one day.

A some years ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. The only reason they discovered it is because she pushed and pushed the doctor until he allowed her to get a curtain spot in her breast looked at by a specialist. If she hadn't, she might have died. Back then I really didn't want to think about it, about the 'what if' my mom died. I only started to think about it a few years after that. Even now I don't really like thinking about it. After that my mom realized that "you could die tomorrow" and started living her life doing everything she enjoys as long as she can and if she has the options to do so. Maybe I should have realized it then as well.

I know that the chance of somebody doing is always there but "It will never happen to me", right? But what if it did? I don't want to breath out my last moments thinking about everything I had wanted to do, but never had the guts of doing. I keep saying "I will do anything I want to do without regrets", but I keep being held back by fear. More then the fear of 'what if I die tomorrow' I'm being held back by the fear of 'what if I fail and make a fool out of myself' and 'what if I regret it after all'. Most little by little I'm starting to realize I'd regret a whole lot more if I died not doing any of the things I wanted to try out and enjoy it, really experiencing life, then I would regret if I tried something and failed. Because then at least I tried and have the experience, right?

I have a list of things I want to do, things I want to try out. But I keep postponing it because I'm afraid. I want to live my life like 'there is not tomorrow' but I keep myself from doing so. Maybe of all the things I want to change, this is the biggest thing I want to change about myself. Not to the point of having no fear, but at least to the point where I'll be able to put myself over my own fear in order to be at least able to try.